Jewels From JudyMonday, May 12 2008
An Exhortation From The Heart Of Father To Yours: I Do Not Scold Children, when I speak a word of correction, I do not scold. Often My words are read and the reader hears anger and sees finger-pointing. This is not My voice nor My stance. I Am slow to anger, slow to wrath, quick to show mercy and long in suffering. My perfect love for you overrides and swallows up wrath. The cross of My Son has swallowed up wrath for those who abide in Him. Do you live under My canopy of love, yet you hear My voice as vengeful and harsh? Do not any longer allow the enemy to cloud your mind or twist My words and their meaning to you! Come. Come into My presence and let Me hold you in My arms of love. Let Me transform your heart so that when you read My Word you can rightly discern the tone of My voice. I do not share the voice of an impatient, pushy or vengeful man. I Am fully confident in Who I Am, so I have no need to push My will on you or make you do things My way - against your will. My most precious gift to you is your freewill and I will never override it. I love you and I demonstrate that love by allowing you to choose or reject Me. Many are called but few are chosen. It is you who decides whether you are chosen or not. I have given you the choice. In Christ Jesus' death all wrath was appeased and in His resurrection you have been raised to life in and with Him. If you hear My voice carrying the unrighteous anger of man, then you are not hearing Me as I Am. I Am love. I speak in love. I correct in love. I discipline those I love, but I do not scold as scolding brings shame. I will never put you to shame. I remove the shame and reproach, I do not add to it. I disciple you and though it is difficult for a season, it will always yield delicious fruit of righteousness. Keep yourself from being offended by My correction and allow Me to train and instruct you. My discipline, which an arm of My love for you, will always lead you deeper into My purpose and destiny for your life. It is in the proper discernment of My voice that will bring you into deeper truth and revelation of who I Am and who you are. Know that everything I do is motivated by My love for you. It's My love, it's My love, it's My love. Everything I do is out of My love for you. I do not speak as a man speaks or with the motivations of a man, so train yourself to hear My voice as loving. You will be able to do this by reading the Gospels of My Son and hear everything He said from a heart of deep and abiding love for you. He demonstrated His pure love at Calvary. Do not ever doubt His love for you. Jesus had a choice and He chose My will to redeem you. Read His words in the loving tone that He spoke them. Even when speaking to the Pharisees He used great restraint and care in how His voice reflected My heart. I desire that none perish. So beloved, allow Me to love you. Hear My intense love for you. Hear Me by My Holy Spirit. If man claims to teach My ways but speaks in anger, wrath, torment, or in a judgmental tone of voice, then that man or woman is not sent by Me. Remember the words from My prophet and friend, John: There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but perfect [complete and full grown] love casts out fear [terror]. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. 1 John 4:18 Be perfected in My love and hear My voice as it is. There is no condemnation in Christ and you are in Christ if you obey Me. Hidden within every command I give there is a hidden treasure of blessing for you. I will always lead you into righteousness and life eternal. Obedience is easier when you know I love you. So Know I LOVE YOU, Dear One, I love you! Scripture References: Saturday, May 03 2008
A Vision In The Night Followed By A Word From The Lord: Bound To Unforgiveness Vision: In a vision of the night I saw a woman sitting in Sheol. I knew she was a professing Christian, so I was greatly troubled to see her in hell. She sat in a gloomy corner looking dejected and tormented. As I looked closer, I saw a shadowy figure lurking in the darkness to her left. My attention was then drawn to her wrist. As she pulled her hand forward, she looked at me with hopeless eyes. I could see that she was hand-cuffed to the menacing figure. In life this man had been her abuser. Because she had refused the Lord's repeated promptings to forgive him, she was forever chained to him. I awoke and the Lord said that this scene is a warning to those still living in unforgiveness to an abuser. Word: Child, I love you. You are Mine and no one can take you away from Me. You are given the choice to walk with Me or not, but no one can take you from Me. Again I will tell you I love you. You have doubted this because of the "dark thing" that happened, but I was there and saw and wept with you. It did not go unnoticed or unpunished. Release forgiveness as it will free you. Right now you are chained to that which you hate, but as you forgive the chains will drop off. You will be as the three men in the fiery furnace - you will come out with only the ropes that bound you burned. You will not smell like smoke and no hair on your head will be singed. (See Daniel 3) Trust Me, Beloved, trust Me. Forgive and gain your freedom. [The Lord gave me very specific directions about releasing this word to the church. I believe this woman was symbolic of every believer, regardless of gender, that has withheld forgiveness. It was her act of unforgiveness that caused her bondage. This did not mean the abuser could not have been forgiven by God, but that she was in bondage to unforgiveness. This is about her and not him. "Vengeance is Mine," says the Lord. If there is a person you will not forgive, then the warning of this vision and this word is for you. If you have been praying and asking the Lord why you have felt so far from Him, He is telling you right now. Do not think this is for someone else when you know there is someone you refuse to forgive for what they did to you. Please read the Lord's priceless words in Matthew 6:14-15; 7:21-27 and 18:21-35. There are many more examples, but read these Scriptures, then release forgiveness and walk away free! Jesus is praying for you right now. Read His words in Matthew and you will be set free. Whom the Son sets free is free indeed!] Posted: June 17, 2008 Thursday, April 03 2008
An Exhortation From The Heart Of The Father To Yours: Unity Through My Possession I Am building a building that cannot be torn down. I Am fitting you, forming you and shaping you to fit together into a holy dwelling for My Spirit. Oh My sweet beautiful children, I desire you to be gathered to Me and not to man. I have caused you to need one another to carry out My will for each individual's destiny, but to be completely dependent on Me while doing it. If every individual were completely dependent on Me and all their expectations were on Me to lead, guide and direct them, there would be no more lack or wounding in the church. I have given the Perfect Gift in Christ Jesus. He has given you His mind. You possess the mind of Christ, but have you allowed His mind - His Spirit to possess you? Do you want the mind of your flesh to possess you with all its lusts - with pride being its root passion? Or do you want the mind of Christ who created all things that were created? Who do you want to lift you up - God or man? If man lifts you then man can bring you down, but if you humble yourself under My righteous right hand then I will lift and sustain you. Many can readily see if someone is possessed of the devil, but can they see that you are possessed of Me - that you are My Treasured Possession? When people look into your eyes do they see pools of love? When you touch them does the power of heaven touch them as well? When a demoniac steps into a room, spirits of fear, anger, hatred, and rage enter with them. Agitation and apprehension fill the place where they enter. Even animals are upset and on guard around such as these. My church (and the world) has given too much credit to the power of the devil and his demons. Their powers cannot compare to Mine. Who will you exalt? Who will you magnify? The Lord of all creation or a created angel fallen from My grace? Did I not tell Saul on the road to Damascus, "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?" I was seated at the right hand of the Father, so how was Saul persecuting Me? He persecuted Me by harming those in whom My Spirit dwelled. My life is in My Spirit and if you are willing, My Spirit is in you. Those who harm you harm Me. Allow My Spirit to guide you into unity by allowing Me to possess you. Do not fear; this is not by power nor by might but by My Spirit, says the Lord. My first commandment is for you to love Me above all other things and everything within you. My second is for you to love others as yourself. My promise to you, as you obey My commandments to love, is that I will come and make a home in you. I love you with an everlasting love and live in you and I will manifest Myself to you. I will teach you all things. I Am in Jesus and He is in Me and you will be made perfect in Us by the Holy Spirit dwelling in you. Declare My name which is in you. Endeavor to keep unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. I bless you in this mandate and will be with you as you walk in it. I want to possess My church so it will move as one Body throughout the earth connected to the Head which is Christ. He is seated at My right hand and as each member of My church is possessed by My Spirit, they will move in unity with My Head. You will then be able to reach up into heaven and bring it down to earth. My kingdom come, My will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Amen - so be it. Mercy, grace and love be yours in abundance,
Friday, March 28 2008
An Exhortation From The heart Of The Father To Yours: Perfected Love Child, you worry too much. Have I not told you to come to Me and cast your burdens onto Me? What so many do in My Body is they bring something to Me then they take it back. They bring it - they take it back; bring it - take it back. As if I were playing a game with them! I Am not playing games. I will take off the yoke of slavery if you will release it to Me. I remove it from your midst completely if you will but leave it with Me. Let Me give you an example. You bring to Me the problems you face with your loved ones and I tell you to leave them at the Cross. Then at the first sign of trouble you rush in to try to fix what has gone wrong. This is where you need discernment to know what requires your help and from what you should refrain. This way you will not interfere with what I am doing and you will operate in the fruit of self-control which flows from My love. Remember the story Jesus taught about the son who took his inheritance and left his father for wild living? (Luke 15:11-32) That story was an example of My love. The father let the son get to the end of himself and to the point that he knew he needed his father or he would die. That father loved him enough to allow him not only starve, but to sin. (Many allow their children to sin but not starve.) The father hoped his son would indeed "come to himself" and return to his waiting arms. This gave the father the chance to show not only great mercy to the wayward son but also to show him what love that had been perfected looked like, felt like and acted like. The father treated not only the son who left with tender mercy but also the one who remained. In the Garden of Eden I could have rushed in and kept Eve from being deceived, I could have ripped the forbidden fruit out of Adam's hand, or I could have made sure the serpent never entered the Garden in the first place! There was a greater truth at work and had I rushed in to help I would have thwarted that greater work. Did I know that Adam would eat of the fruit? Did I know Eve would listen to the lies of the serpent? Of course I did. I saw the bigger picture. I saw mankind, and if Adam and Eve would not have eaten of the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, someone down the line would have. I gave Adam the choice to obey Me just like I have given every person the choice. I have given everyone the choice to obey Me but it is more than that. I give mankind the choice to love Me. If you love Me you will obey Me out of that love. What My heart longs for is your love. "If you love Me you will obey My commandments." (John 14:15) In My love there is no fear. Perfect love casts out fear - that is to say love which has been perfected will dispel all fear. In fear there is torment but in love there is security and trust. In that love you can live and move and have your being. Worry is akin to fear. They are close relatives. You know Beloved, faith and fear do not mix. Without faith it is impossible to please Me but without love your faith will fail. This is why the "greatest of these" - faith, hope and love - is love. Love is the first fruit and with love you have joy and with joy you then have peace. How could you have patience without peace? Patience reveals kindness and out of kindness goodness flows. From goodness comes faithfulness and in faithfulness you become gentle. With all these in focus and working in cooperation then self-control will be ever present. Now we are back to what I told you at the beginning. You will be able to leave those whom you love at the Cross when all the fruit of the Spirit is operational in your life. You will trust Me to work in their lives so that have has its perfect work and fear is cast out. Cultivate the fruit, Beloved, be as a gardener and watch over the fruit and guard it with all diligence. It all starts with love. My job is to love you. When you fully receive My love you will be able to turn and love others. So receive My love. Its My love, its My love, its My love. Everything that I do I do from the perspective of My love for you. Allow My perfect love be worked in your members and all throughout your life. Permit the yeast, the Leaven of Heaven, raise you up to a new Standard. Jesus is your Standard! Let Him bring a lightness to your life and sweetness to your lips. This way when you speak you will be speaking My words and not your own. Be anxious for no thing. Allow My water to cleanse you, My oil to anoint and heal you, My fire to purify you and My love to transform you. Ask for wisdom and ask in faith. I will give it to you freely and abundantly as I Am generous. Ask for My perfected love to cast out ALL your fears. If you have fear in any area of your life, it is an area that needs My perfected love to be worked into it. Perfected love is perfect love in progress. It is a process, Beloved. Allow yourself to be cultivated as this is the goal. You look forward to "arriving" but I look forward to the journey. Enjoy the process even though it is painful at times. This is where you learn to turn and strengthen your brethren. If you came through the process quickly, you would expect others to as well. So embrace the process. Let Me knead out fear, doubt and unbelief like a baker kneads the dough before letting it rise. My perfected love is what you need to bring you out of the wilderness of anxiety and into the peace that surpasses all understanding that will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. You are forever in My love, Scripture References: 1 Peter 5:7; 1 John 4: Philippians 4:4-7; Galatians 5:22-25; Ephesians 6:2; 1 Corinthians 13:13; James 1:2-6; 3:13,17,18; Matthew 13:33; Luke 22:31,32 *Personal note: The Lord gave me this word while my husband was in surgery. Right as I typed in the last sentence the nurse came out to tell me he was awake in post-op! Our Father is so wonderful! In His love, Judy Friday, March 07 2008
An Exhortation From The Father's Heart To Yours: Who Are You Listening To? You did not call yourself, did you? I called you. So why are you wrestling with where you are to go and what you are to do? I have everything well in hand. You are sensitive to My leading and you will need to be more sensitive in the days ahead. There are issues to be dealt with and that is why I have you where you are now. Soon those things will be resolved and you will be untethered. The work here is important, is it not? I know you do not like it, none do, but your strength will grow as will your faith. You can trust Me to see you through to the other side. Know you are loved. That will not only sustain you, but propel you. It is a season of restoration and this is why the enemy seeks to destroy that word in your own life. He wants you to give up and turn around, but you must not listen to him. Satan hates you. I love you. Who are you going to listen to? With all My heartfelt love, Thursday, February 28 2008
The Lord Played The Cross Dream I was in a coffee house and sitting with a Christian friend, though I have no idea who it was, when we noticed that there were a number of men together at a table next to us. One of the men from another table came over and gave us each a pen with JESUS written on it. Then they gave us four more. I was excited and put them in my purse. Then they started singing some Christian songs that were very energetic. I knew them and sang along. This young man got up to preach, but said he was not sure if he was to give the message, and was waiting on the Holy Spirit. The Lord spoke to my heart and I said softly at first but then more loudly so they could all hear me, "The Lord played the cross like an instrument. He played it like a violin." At this many of the people in the coffee house began to pretend play an instrument (like violins, flutes and horns). I went on, "He played the cross as a song for our salvation. He took what was a horrible death and played it for our benefit." At this the people were applauding saying, "Yeah!" They played their 'instruments' and I continued to explain that His sacrifice thundered like a bass drum, it rang like a cymbal, it sounded like a group of (3) trumpets," and so on. (With each instrument mentioned it was played.) The whole group of people in the coffee shop were all clapping and cheering forChrist and His victory at the cross. July 8, 2001 Saturday, February 23 2008
An Exhortation From The Father's Heart To Yours Seek My Face You are touching heaven Come and worship and give Me your attention I want to see your face Plug into Me and tap into My love for you Come into My love, Jeremiah 29:11-14a Friday, February 22 2008
An Exhortation From The Heart Of Father To Yours: The Launching This is a time for launching. Many of you have been held in a holding pattern for some time and you have been crying out, "When God, when?!?" It is like a launching at Kennedy Space Center. Plans are made, but those plans are contingent upon the weather. The spiritual climate has been turbulent. This is because of the sound of praise and worship emanating from My church. Praise has touched heaven in a personal way. You no longer sing about Me, you sing to Me. As My body has tapped into join the sounds from heaven and exalted My name, the powers and principalities of darkness and the rulers of evil have been shaken to their core. Your launching has been delayed by My doing, so do not call what I Am doing "the devil" instead rejoice in Me until the enemy is self-slaughtered. The enemy expects you to be in panic and react in fear COUNTER ATTACK!!!
I Am launching you from this place*, beloved. I have been setting your feet firmly on the Rock. I have been drawing you back as an expert archer. You have thought you were going backwards, but this was not so. I was drawing you back to launch you. If an arrow from My quiver is chosen to be launched, I Am careful to aim it with the a fully extended bow. I draw back the arrow in the bow string, place it on the notch, and hold it to check the trajectory. I want My arrows to hit the bull's-eye. So be patient in this process, beloved. You are being launched. Love, *While this was spoken while in intercession for the Secret Place Encounter Conference in Bradenton, FL, I do believe this to be a corporate word for the Body of Christ for the "place" where we are presently and the "place" to which we are being launched. Friday, February 15 2008
An Exhortation From The Heart Of Father To Yours: My Uncut Jewels When a stone of great value is unearthed, it can be very dull to the natural eye. It takes a trained eye to see its worth. Many precious stones have been cast aside because the one digging did not have the eyes to see what it was they had in their hands. This is also true of My jewels - those I Am drawing to Myself by My Spirit. Those around My jewels-in-the-rough who fail to see their great worth and beauty often cast them aside and look for another that is already polished. It is My desire when a stone, a new born-again believer, is found, it is carefully handled and cut to precision. I want the beautiful facets, which I have infused into their being at conception, to sparkle and shine in the light of My glory. I Am calling My apostles, My prophets, My evangelists, My pastors and teachers to see the great worth that is all around them. Look at the jewels I have given you, My leaders! Behold the value - the eternal value that I have sat in your midst! Each and every person is of great value to Me. Look carefully at who I have sent your way. Look for the passion in their eyes that came from being pressed in on every side by the fire of My glory. Coal placed under intense pressure and heat creates diamonds. My fire creates a thing of beauty in a new believer transforming them from a lump of coal to a diamond. Some of My jewels are already cut and you need only help them be placed in their proper setting. Others have been cut but need to be polished. Some have been partially cut and need you to help finish the job so they can shine. This can be difficult if the "jeweler" before you damaged My beautiful stone; believe Me when I tell you that nothing is wasted in My kingdom. There are stones that have just recently been unearthed; these you will have the privilege of seeing go from a lump of coal to a beautifully set stone. You will first clean them with the Living Water and help to cut away the old rock with the skillful use of My sword. You must be careful and loving in this process. Be mindful of what you are doing. Make a careful examination of the natural nuances of each precious stone. If you are of My Spirit, this will humble you and that one you have set will also humbly reflect My glory. If you are of another spirit you will be prideful and so will your stone - taking all for self-glory. So I caution you to walk in humility in this process knowing you can only accomplish this with My wisdom and counsel. Do not fear or worry, as I will not leave you alone in the process but will guide your way to perfection. There are stones you will come across that are still coal and you must leave them to Me. These are the ones that haven't given their life to Christ. They may attend or belong to a church, but they do not fully belong to Me. Behold! The fields sparkle with jewels! Ask Me for the tools and the settings and I will give them to you. If you see the great value all around you and you follow My instructions, by the end of this year you will look at your jewels and be amazed at what they are doing to bring honor and glory and praise to My kingdom. As I have shown you, show others. Love, Vision: The Jeweler: I saw a jeweler who sat on a short, wheeled stool in the middle of two tables placed in the shape of an upside-down L. To his left on the table shorter in length sat a very large and beautiful golden crown. Its front was very tall, not like a king's crown, but more like the pope's MITRE. On it there were many vacant spaces to place jewels. A few large and very costly stones had already been set into place. On the longer table were hundreds of stones in all stages of cutting. The jeweler wore a magnifying eye piece so that he could carefully examine each stone. He only looked for those already polished and of great value, but even in his haste many beautiful stones were falling off the table and were getting lost in the cracks and corners of the floor. Some of incalculable value fell through the cracks and were never retrieved. There were some stones in raw form that were of greater value than any jewel on the crown, but because they were not cut in facets and polished, the jeweler quickly looked them over. Those uncut stones of great worth had been given to him to cut and shape into a masterful thing of beauty, but even the large stones of immense value were haphazardly being knocked off the table. Some fell into the trash and were inadvertently thrown out. All these jewels were given to him to bring glory to the Kingdom of God, but they were also for his crown to present to the Lord. The crown of exquisite beautiful was sparsely filled considering the amount of jewels that had been given the jeweler. The warning given to the jeweler was to slow down and look more closely at the stones that had been given him. He was not to look with his natural eye that magnified all the flaws, imperfections and the lack of polish residing in the stones, but he was to look with the magnified eye of the Spirit of God that would show him its amazing beauty that was hidden within each stone and He would give the exact skill and precision needed to bring it out. Vision: 2002 Isaiah 60:1 Arise, shine for your light has come and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. Thursday, February 14 2008
A Valentine from Heaven It was two days before Valentine’s Day 1997, and though my life looked wonderful from every angle, deep down I was miserable. I tried ‘to be a good person’ and live my life in a way that would be pleasing to my fellowman, but all the community works I was juggling did not fill the void in my soul. At the end of the day, I was exhausted and empty. Occasionally, I would get a glimpse of why I was so unhappy and what I needed – I needed the Lord! Sadly, I would quickly reject this notion because it wasn’t convenient to my lifestyle. Rejecting God was justifiable in my mind because I knew I couldn’t live up to His standards. Though I looked to the world for acceptance and comfort, I never seemed fulfilled. I was in a frightening and unwinnable battle. The void began when my father suddenly passed away. He was only 43 years old and left behind a wife and three children, as well as his parents who daily relied on his help. Well-meaning clergy told us, “God must have needed him,” and that “he was in a better place.” This didn’t bring consolation to my grief-stricken heart. My sister, brother, and I were sent to live with relatives that summer. Though young, my sister was soon married and moved to her own place. My brother’s bedroom was the walk-in closet of our aunt’s teenage boys – placing him continually at their mercy. My bedroom housed the huge gas floor furnace in the unfinished basement. Night after night I would earnestly cry out to God from that room, “Why my dad, why me?” I agonized over the loss of my dad and listened for an answer, but none came. I also learned to listen for sneaking feet coming down the stairs in the middle of the night. It was a time fraught with dangers for my brother and I. Meanwhile, my mother worked to stabilize our housing so we could come back and live with her. Unfortunately, her life was also full of snares, so it took more time than we ever imagined. Three years later, we moved into a home with her and the nightly threats and torment were over. Though I was often rebellious, we had many good times together. We traveled some and even spent an entire summer in Oregon. After coming back to our home state of Colorado, the unthinkable happened. Doctors diagnosed my mother with breast cancer. I never doubted that she would recover (because surely God would not ‘take’ her too). However, after a few years, and much suffering, she succumbed to the ravages of the disease. At her funeral I again heard from well-meaning folks, “She’s in a better place,” and “God must have needed her.” Really? More than her children? It did not sit well. Deeply dismayed, my confusion turned to anger that burned hot against God. He seemed selfish and more like a big bully who was no different from Greek gods who threw lightning bolts or hit people with a huge hammer. I decided if God was so selfish that He needed my parents more than their three children did, I didn’t want anything to do with Him. I would live my life my way, not His! Anytime the subject of God came up, I was like a cornered cat ready to fight; my cynicism towards Christianity and disdain for Christians grew. Some would try to explain to me how the Lord was loving, kind, and good. I reasoned, if God were truly loving, why wouldn’t He have kept my parents from dying? If He were kind and good, why wouldn’t He just put an end to all the suffering and evil in the world? This is where I found myself on the morning of February 12, 1997 – drowning in my own sorrow. Deep down I knew only God could rescue me. I saw on the calendar that it was not only two days from Valentine’s Day, but also the first day of Lent. Oddly, something went off inside me. It was HOPE! Jesus had been drawing me to Himself for months, and though I had been keeping Him at arm’s length, I could ignore Him no longer. God was throwing a lifeline into my Pit of Despair, and I prayed that if I clung onto it, He would be merciful and pull me out. I found an old Bible and began to read in Psalm 107: Then I cried to the Lord in my trouble and He saved me from my distress; He sent forth His word and healed me and saved me from destruction! I fell to my knees, and thanked Him for His goodness. I repented of sinning against Him. Later I found in John 10:10 where Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” This Scripture immediately dispelled the lie that God had killed my parents. I saw the “thief” had come to kill, steal, and destroy – not my heavenly Father. Oh, friends, how might that have eased my suffering had someone shared that truth with me from early on? In that moment, the Holy Spirit gave me great freedom, and peace flooded my soul. I knew Jesus didn’t condemn me but filled my emptiness with joy. He adopted me! As a child of God, I had a sense of belonging that I had never known. I began reading and truly studying the Bible. I saw it was like a beautiful tapestry that, through many authors over thousands of years, God had woven together. I could have never imagined it, but I found the Bible to be wonderful and freeing. You do not have to be an orphan to experience the debilitating wounds from being abandoned or rejected. We each have our own story of how we’ve been beaten and battered. We have fought with discouragement, doubt, and unbelief. At some point, all of us have been, or will be, wounded by different tragedies and heartbreaks. Our heavenly Father’s desire is for all mankind to experience His forgiveness and abiding love. The most wonderful Valentine’s gift anyone could ever receive is to be adopted by the King of kings! Being reconciled to God is a gift that anyone can accept at any time. “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” He gave His best so we can live abundantly. Every day is Valentine’s Day with Jesus! Revised February 12, 2016 A Valentine from Heaven It was two days before Valentine’s Day, and though my life looked wonderful from every angle, deep down I was miserable. I tried ‘to be a good person’ and live my life in a way that would be pleasing to my fellowman, but all the community works I was juggling did not fill the void in my soul. At the end of the day, I was exhausted and empty. Occasionally, I would get a glimpse of why I was so unhappy and what I needed – I needed the Lord! Sadly, I would quickly reject this notion because it wasn’t convenient to my lifestyle. Rejecting God was justifiable in my mind because I knew I couldn’t live up to His standards. Though I looked to the world for acceptance and comfort, I never seemed fulfilled. I was in a frightening and unwinnable battle. The void began when my father suddenly passed away. He was only 43 years old and left behind a wife and three children, as well as his parents who daily relied on his help. Well-meaning clergy told us, “God must have needed him,” and that “he was in a better place.” This didn’t bring consolation to my grief-stricken heart. My sister, brother, and I were sent to live with relatives that summer. Though young, my sister was soon married and moved to her own place. My brother’s bedroom was the walk-in closet of our aunt’s teenage boys – placing him continually at their mercy. My bedroom housed the huge gas floor furnace in the unfinished basement. Night after night I would earnestly cry out to God from that room, “Why my dad, why me?” I agonized over the loss of my dad and listened for an answer, but none came. I also learned to listen for sneaking feet coming down the stairs in the middle of the night. It was a time fraught with dangers for my brother and I. Meanwhile, my mother worked to stabilize our housing so we could come back and live with her. Unfortunately, her life was also full of snares, so it took more time than we ever imagined. Three years later, we moved into a home with her and the nightly threats and torment were over. Though I was often rebellious, we had many good times together. We traveled some and even spent an entire summer in Oregon. After coming back to our home state of Colorado, the unthinkable happened. Doctors diagnosed my mother with breast cancer. I never doubted that she would recover, but after a few years and much suffering, she succumbed to the ravages of the disease. At her funeral I again heard, “God must have needed her.” Really, I thought, more than her children? Deeply dismayed, my confusion turned to anger that burned hot against God. He seemed selfish and more like a big bully who was no different from Greek gods who threw lightning bolts or hit people with a huge hammer. I decided if God was so selfish that He needed my parents more than their three children did, I didn’t want anything to do with Him. I would live my life my way, not His! Anytime the subject of God came up, I was like a cornered cat ready to fight; my cynicism towards Christianity and distain for Christians grew. Some would try to explain to me how the Lord was loving, kind, and good. I reasoned, if God were truly loving, why wouldn’t He have kept my parents from dying? If He were kind and good, why wouldn’t He just put an end to all the suffering and evil in the world? This is where I found myself on the morning of February 12, 1997 – drowning in my own sorrow. Deep down I knew only God could rescue me. I saw on the calendar that it was not only two days from Valentine’s Day, but also the first day of Lent. Oddly, something went off inside me. It was HOPE! Jesus had been drawing me to Himself for months, and though I had been keeping Him at arm’s length, I could ignore Him no longer. God was throwing a lifeline into my Pit of Despair, and I prayed that if I clung onto it, He would be merciful and pull me out. I found an old Bible and began to read: Then I cried to the Lord in my trouble and He saved me from my distress; He sent forth His word and healed me and saved me from destruction! I fell to my knees, and thanked Him for His goodness. I repented of sinning against Him. Then I found where Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” This Scripture immediately dispelled the lie that God had killed my parents. I saw the “thief” had come to kill, steal, and destroy – not my heavenly Father. In that moment, the Holy Spirit gave me great freedom and peace flooded my soul. I knew Jesus didn’t condemn me but filled my emptiness with joy. He adopted me! As a child of God, I had a sense of belonging that I had never known. I began reading and truly studying the Bible. I saw it was like a beautiful tapestry that, through many authors over thousands of years, God had woven together. I could have never imagined it, but I found the Bible to be wonderful and freeing. You do not have to be an orphan to experience the debilitating wounds from being abandoned or rejected. We each have our own story of how we’ve been beaten and battered. We have fought with discouragement, doubt, and unbelief. At some point, all of us have been, or will be, wounded by different tragedies and heartbreaks. Our heavenly Father’s desire is for all mankind to experience His forgiveness and abiding love. The most wonderful Valentine’s gift anyone could ever receive is to be adopted by the King of kings! Being reconciled to God is a gift that anyone can accept at any time. “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” He gave His best so we can live abundantly. Every day is Valentine’s Day with Him! In the Father’s love, Judy The following is a longer version written in 2007 A Valentine from Heaven It was February 12, 1997, and from every angle my life looked wonderful; however, deep down I was miserable. When I woke up that morning, I realized I had come to the end of myself. I didn’t simply have a hole in my heart; there was a vacuum sucking the life out of me. I had tried in every way to “be a good person” and live my life in a way that would be pleasing to my fellow man, but the community works I was juggling did not fill the void in my soul. Though I had the right idea, I didn’t have the right motivation for what I was doing. At the end of the day I was still empty and longing for something, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was I needed. Every once in awhile I would get a glimpse that what I needed was the Lord, but in my “sorrow” I had rejected Him, so I had nowhere else to look but to the world. The more I looked to the world for comfort, the emptier I became. Instead of filling me, I seemed to have a perpetual leak. It was a terrible cycle that I could not seem to escape! |
