44 Years Later
Today I want to share a personal testimony with you. Given my topic, it’s interesting to me that the title of one of my last posts was: “Too Many 4s to Ignore.” It so happens that it was 44 years ago that my father suddenly passed away. In the past on this date, I was constantly bombarded with images and memories of what happened that night. It had been imprinted in my memory, and if I didn’t hit the rewind button in my mind to play over and over again on this date, the enemy of my soul would replay it for me. It was dreadful. Trauma often does works on people in this way. Perhaps you too have had something similar to this that has continually plagued you. I pray my testimony will bless and encourage you.
After I surrendered my life to the Lord, the grief and heartache began to heal; however, I still felt like I had to prepare for war starting around Christmas to the date we buried him (February 9th). Some years were better than others, but there was a fierce, ongoing battle for my emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing over the terrible loss of my dad. This stress often caused physical issues to crop up too. In a dramatic way, God had revealed Himself to me as the Father to the fatherless, and I wanted to share that love with others. This is when the Holy Spirit let me know God called me to go to nations, not only teach, but impart the Father’s love. When I started The Father’s Love Int’l Ministries at the Lord’s prompting, this whole thing again became a targeted area.
Just after I was given the mandate from the Holy Spirit to write my book, something extraordinary happened. I had four (wow – there it is again!) four short visions. They were glimpses of my parents since their passing. The first vision was of my dad fishing in heaven and what he did was so out of character for him, it caught me by surprise. So much so, that I have a hard time describing the emotional response I had from it. I remember getting up and having so much joy from seeing he was in heaven that I was making a sound I had never heard before. It wasn’t laughing or crying, but a strange combination of the two. It was something different – something wonderful!
The next morning I sat with the Lord and asked Him if He would show me something for my brother and sister that would help them the way He had helped me the night before. Lo and behold, He did! For my brother it was a private thing that dad had done with him (shaving). This was not something I was privy to, because they were “the boys of the family” and did it when us girls weren’t around. When I told my brother the whole of what I had seen, he rejoiced! He explained their cherished time together to me in detail, and I was so happy that God had shown such a personal and special thing.
For my sister, He showed me something our mother had been working on for her. For as long as I can remember, mom hated to sew. She wanted to have the skill to do it, but sewing frustrated her to no end. What I saw her doing shocked me. She was sewing a beautiful blue gown for my sister! I shared this with her and it was a great surprise to us both.
Then I saw something my dad had been doing for me all these grief-stricken years, and it absolutely shocked and stunned me. It was the greatest gift, and I never could have imagined such a thing. (God really can give us more than we can ask or think!) I saw an out-building and my dad standing by the door. I looked inside and it was a beautiful woodworking shop with many tools. Most I recognized, but others I didn’t. It was so amazing it makes my eyes tear up just thinking about this marvelous gift. I saw we would make tables together and they would have jewels, shells, feathers and light inlayed into the wood. It seems even music came from them at certain times. It was absolutely stunning to see such a heavenly workshop. Knowing it was mine sent me over the moon! I love working with wood, but allergies have kept me from it. When I saw the shop, it was as if the oxygen was sucked out of the room where I was sitting! I “leaked” with joy for days!
Then I saw my mother across the road jumping up and clapping – spinning around in joy that I had seen this great gift awaiting me. I also knew the reason she rejoiced like this was that she saw how much I suffered as a child when my dad died, and how when she was dying I stayed by her side as much as possible. She knew I was grieved by her failing health too. In the vision, she was happy to see that I was assured that she and dad were with the Lord.
Both my parents looked young and happy. I was so overwhelmed and filled with joy and gratitude that I knew the grief that I had suffered for so long was forever shattered. How could I ever grieve again as I had? I know that was just a glimpse, but it was enough to hold me for this lifetime. Now when I think of my parents, I think of where they are and how they are preparing a place, alongside the Lord, for their children. Truly, death has lost its sting. God has so much more for us that we can’t even imagine.
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9
God’s ways are surely NOT our ways. His thoughts are far above ours. Amen! It is my prayer that this personal testimony has been a blessing to you. As I said before, there are “too many 4s to ignore!” 44 years ago, my dad went to be with my Father. Hallelujah!
Ministry Note
It is my hope that you will remember the ministry and the trip to Uganda set in May. The message I will share at the pastor’s conference is developing, and I will share it with you as soon as the Father releases me to do so. If the Lord is calling you to stand with us, please give as He directs. Go to www.thefathersloveim.org to donate. Thanks so much for your thoughtful consideration.
In the Father’s love,
Judy Bauman
